prepare for victory candescence

Title: The Horror of Glam Rock

What is it? Episode 3 of Season 1, in the Eighth Doctor Adventures audio series

Doctor: Eighth

Companions: Lucie

—-

Score: 6.5/10. I have mixed feelings about this play. As a whole, it was a gently entertaining escapade - I would imagine its purpose was to let the audience still settle into the idea of Lucie as the (half-reluctant) full-time Doctor’s companion. But in places it seems rushed, the resolution was sudden and a bit derailing of the previous seven eighths of the story, and in general it was a little bit clunky.

Anything else to add?

Well… it’s not bad! It’s set at a motorway service station, so that’s interesting. If the story had had a different or lengthier development, it might’ve been something really notably good. But it does seem kind of rushed, and the Big Reveal is a bit lacking. There are also some strange shifts in personality throughout the play, like somebody took the idea of character development and really really condensed it. That guy is a money-grubbing coward and— OH BUT NO by mistake, he’s okay really, and repentant of his mistakes! This woman is really sad because her dreams are falling to bits and likely to stay that way— BUT NEVER MIND, let’s just forget that by the end for whatever reason! Also, you need only grieve the dead for four panic-stricken minutes, and then may disregard the loss to mourn the damage to your career and world view.

Makes… total sense.

Apart from the general air of character- and story-condensing, it was fun to listen to! The glam rock songs themselves were a bit cringey, but that could just be me.

Title: The Blood of the Daleks, parts 1 and 2 (because it seemed weird to review them separately)

What is it? Episodes 1 and 2 of Season 1, in the Eighth Doctor Adventures audio series

Doctor: Eighth

Companions: Lucie

—-

Score: 8/10. In itself, the plot is not anything out of the ordinary - as you may already have surmised, there are Daleks in it. The Daleks are generally quite cross and they want to kill some things. The things they want to kill are averse to the idea of getting killed. The usual! But it’s the introductory two-parter for Lucie Miller, and that is why this play is excellent! MORE BELOW.

Anything else to add?

If it were not for Lucie’s presence, this play would have scored considerably lower. But character-introduction episodes kinda need to be judged by different criteria, seeing as their focus lies on - well - character introduction. And that is done excellently here!

The long and the short of it, in a pretty non-spoilery way, is that Lucie and the Doctor are bunged together against both their wills, and they react to the situation with all the grace of an already-irate eagle that’s just been thrown into a snake pit. Lucie is annoyed by the Doctor on principle (well, he does wear a frock coat and gabble science at high speed), and the Doctor is annoyed because Lucie obviously doesn’t like him and won’t tell him what’s going on! They both get annoyed at one another an awful lot! It’s incredibly entertaining!

The Dalek plot itself isn’t bad, o’ course, but it loses some of the intense development it was leaning towards (the kind plays like Jubilee have by the bucketful) because space needed to be made for the Doctor and Lucie to bounce off one another. I think it was a fair trade. Excellent start to what is thus far an excellent series!

 

Title: The Fearmonger [by Jonathan Blum, 2000]

What is it? It’s a standalone Big Finish audioplay, number 05 in the main range.

Doctor: Seventh

Companions: Ace

—-

The plot: 4.5/10. I was distinctly underwhelmed by this particular play. It doesn’t help that it was set in a future which is now 9 years old - I like dystopias (or semi-dystopias) as much as the next chap, but it was a weird clash of the 80s meeting the Noughties meeting a typical Distant Future that didn’t quite work for me. Also wasn’t overly impressed by the pacing or the dialogue itself.

The ~feelings: 4.5/10. Nothing much to report on this front.

Anything else to add?

The cover art is probably the best thing about this one. I wasn’t very convinced by the proceedings and I wasn’t even especially entertained, which is, y’know, pretty important. As with many not-quite-brilliant scripts, the actors pull it together as best they know how and make it palatable, but I still won’t be coming back to this play in a hurry! There were, of course, the odd moments of humour or tension which worked better than much of the rest of the play, but I didn’t find there to be any major wow factors at all.

This is ranked as a Who Loser - don’t put it at the top of any of your to-watch lists…

Title: The Land of the Dead [by Stephen Cole, 2000]

What is it? It’s a standalone Big Finish audioplay, number 04 in the main range.

Doctor: Fifth

Companions: Nyssa

—-

The plot: 6/10. It’s not bad, apart from the awkward racial stereotyping and so forth. Which was really awkward and something I definitely wish they’d left out. Excepting that, the monsters sound like they’d be really cool-looking, and it was generally quite a lot of fun to listen to!

The ~feelings: 5/10. As with classic serials, I find that a number of Big Finish plays are plot-driven and the feelings~ are not the kind you’d get in NuWho - mostly just ‘OH  NO KIDNAP AND ANXIETY!’ for a cliffhanger or two. The same is true of this play, so it gets a 5.

Anything else to add?

This play features the best one-off side-character I’ve encountered in any Big Finish play so far - a grumpy interior decorator. I think of her as the Duggan of Big Finish, basically. I also think that the sound effects were particularly good for this one and made visualising the events pretty easy!

Man, this was a pretty boring and humourless review. For that I can only apologise.

(Also I quickly want to point out how it looks like Nyssa’s eyes are pointing in completely opposite directions on the CD cover, because that’s the kind of mature being I am)

Title: The Unearthly Child pilot (by Anthony Coburn, 1963)

What is it? It’s the so-called “pilot” episode for Doctor Who - actually just a recording the directors weren’t satisfied with and never aired.

Doctor: First

Companions: Susan, Ian, Barbara

—-

The plot: 6/10. Very slightly convoluted, and no attempts whatsoever made to explain how the “caveman” were able to speak so fluently and organise such a complicated and hierarchical society. Not even a soft sci-fi “it’s because of the TARDIS” or “You humans have your history all wrong” or anything! But it’s still a pretty solid episode and way more watchable than anticipated.

The ~feelings: 6/10. To be honest, most of these were “FIRST EVER EPISODE. FIRST EVER EPISODE!”, but it genuinely made me laugh in a few places so it gets points for that.

Anything else to add?

I actually watched the pilot by mistake - I wasn’t paying attention and just picked the first thing on the menu. I have yet to see the actual aired episode. I’m bright like that. Anyway, I was expecting much less from this than it actually offered. It hasn’t aged as horrifically as I anticipated, except for a segment where they are very obviously just jogging on the spot and trying to look pained as they “flee”!

The Doctor is sort of… really creepy (also cool, but noticeably creepy) and Susan isn’t much better. Sinister laughter, kidnapping teachers, inexplicable rorschach test creation, REALLY odd flaming-skull-onna-stick moment… But they are both hella alien-seeming and I appreciated that! I’ve been told that both characters were made more approachable in the version of the episode that aired, but I’ll always treasure the memory of the Doctor cackling nastily at the panic of his new kidnap victims. Good times.

Title: Carnival of Monsters (by Robert Holmes, 1973)

What is it? It’s episode 2 of series 10.

Doctor: Third

Companions: Jo

—-

The plot: 7/10. It’s pretty clever and well put-together, too - no problems with pacing or anything. It’s entertaining and it makes sense! I’ve watched it two or three times now and it remains enjoyable!

The ~feelings: 6/10. Jo Grant, you are awesome. So is your Doctor. THAT IS ALL.

Anything else to add?

I BELIEVE this was the first third Doctor serial not to be based on Earth or around UNIT, since it’s placed directly after ‘The Three Doctors’. I like to think that’s at least partially why it’s so good - the writers went, “RIGHT, we finally get to stop with UNIT HQ and the quarries! WE ARE GONNA ALIEN THE HELL OUT OF THIS SERIAL!”

Also, fabulous costumery in the serial. I’m not even being sarcastic. Well… perhaps there’s a little bit of sarcasm. But I’ve always appreciated Fruit Loops Woman and Plastic Bowler Hat Man, as well as the GREY AS THEIR SOULS alien race, and the incredibly badly fitted costumes for the drone-type citizens.

Also, one last tip: Jo is briefly left alone with a cage of chickens. Clucking noises are heard. That’s not the chickens - that’s Katy Manning, the woman who played Jo, having a little chat with the birds. Even if you’re not into commentaries, I personally think it’s worth putting it on just for that segment!

 

Title: Warriors of the Deep (by Johnny Byrne, 1984)

What is it? It’s episode 1 of series 21.

Before this it is advisable to have seen: Doctor Who & the Silurians, The Sea Devils

Doctor: Fifth

Companions: Tegan, Turlough

—-

The plot: 7.5/10. An entertaining romp, with good ol’-fashioned laser effects and 80s monster suits galore. Not very taxing for the brain, but sometimes that’s what I like in my sci-fi! Also a quite considerable amount of Tegan-kidnapping or -threatening, from doors to sea captains, but she does some fairly badass stuff also so it’s forgiveable.

The ~feelings: 7/10. The cliffhangers aren’t bad. If it weren’t blatantly obvious that they’re not going to kill off the main characters in the middle of a season (except for, you know, the times when that does happen now and then) they might even be worrying! Also the fourth episode is very emotion-packed for something pre-2005 - all the moral agonising one might expect with a Silurian-based plot. Except for Turlough, who’s a sourpuss throughout.

Anything else to add?

I do wish the female companions of the past had chosen to wear slightly more sensible shoes / outfits, Tegan goes clattering about the corridors with her shirt floppin’ off her shoulders in a manner not at all suitable for dangerous time/space travel! Why does no one ever think to just put on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and trainers?

But much more importantly - so many Peter Davison puppyfaces. I mean, really, there’s an incredible amount. Truly. Basically the entire fourth episode consists of Peter Davison puppyfaces. And… Okay let’s be honest, I’m sayin’ Peter Davison’s face is a lovely face, and the point I’m making is that it’s particularly lovely during this serial and I’m allowed to think these things because I’m 20, all right, it’s one of the privileges of adulthood

This is ranked as a Who Winner - the best of the best, yo

Title: Whispers of Terror [by Justin Richards, 1999]

What is it? It’s a standalone Big Finish audioplay, number 03 in the main range.

Doctor: Sixth

Companions: Peri

—-

The plot: 6/10. Interesting concept, though I always struggle with the fantasy-sci-fi critters suddenly popping up! I do like the way the plot takes advantage of the audio format. I think this play and ‘Omega’ are the only ones I’ve heard so far to have really done so, and they get big brownie points for it.

The ~feelings: 5/10. Not really applicable, it’s mostly about plot. I enjoyed a couple of PAYBACK TIEM scenes!

Anything else to add?

I wasn’t particularly struck by this play even as I listened to it. It wasn’t exactly tedious, but it didn’t have me glued to my headphones either.

ALso, as I’ve rambled before, I always feel a bit weird about sci-fi and fantasy suddenly meeting in areas where one is normally absent or toned down. The alien in the play seemed slightly fantastical for my tastes. I don’t think there was even an attempt at a “scientific” explanation for how such a thing could exist. I don’t think anyone even went “what omg that’s… really really strange to me”. I guess all sci-fi aliens make as much sense as one other, but everybody grows up with notions of Spacesuits and Spaceships and Invading Forces and All Aliens Have Physical Forms so it’s a bit odd each time one crops up that doesn’t fit those forms.

Anyway, yes! Not bad, so no need to avoid, but not superbly amazing either. A second listen doesn’t seem likely anytime soon.

 

Title: Phantasmagoria [by Mark Gatiss, 1999]

What is it? It’s a standalone Big Finish audioplay, number 02 in the main range.

Doctor: Fifth

Companions: Turlough

—-

The plot: 6/10. S’aight! Not bad! I tend to feel of most things Mark Gatiss writes that the plots themselves are not incredible works of art - mostly clear-cut Bad Guy versus mostly clear-cut Good Guys - but the way they’re written is the great thing about them, making them considerably more entertaining than they could be if written by someone else.

The ~feelings: 7/10. Nothing especially emotive, but the play’s entertaining and the characters are brilliant, as is a given with Mark Gatiss, so it scores quite highly for that.

Anything else to add?

Mark Gatiss has, of course, written himself a part in this play (alongside David Walliams, who is way more convincing than I expected him to be, meaning I had to mentally apologise to him for prejudging his non-comedic acting skills). I did not spot which part it was. Even after looking it up, I was sure I’d been mistaken. All I’ll say is that I assume he went through an awful lot of cough drops during the recording.

I think I’ve said “Mark Gatiss” too many times in this review so I’ll stop now! Overall, not a bad audio - it’s not taxing to listen to or particularly stressful. I’ve listened to it a few times and each time have managed it in one sitting. Purely entertainment for your ears, most notably in the form of Peter Davison’s voice, which I’ve begun to form an attachment to quite separate of the man himself or the character he’s playing.

I don’t know why either.

Title: The Sirens of Time [by Nick Briggs, 1999]

What is it? It’s a Big Finish audioplay, number 01 in the main range. 

Doctors: Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh

Companions: None

—-

The plot: 5/10. Well, not bad! It’s split into four sections - one for each Doctor on his lonesome, and then a meet-up section. Not all of the sections are as strong as others and it sometimes feels a leeeeettle bit like a very contrived effort to bung the Doctors together into one story. But if you can watch ‘The Five Doctors’, you can probably handle it here too.

The ~feelings: 3/10. Not especially applicable. Mainly story-based.

Anything else to add?

I was warned before starting into this that it’s not exactly a multi-Doctor story, despite how it’s presented. It was a fair warning to be given. The first three chapters are each Doctor on his own, separated from his companions for whatever reason; they aren’t bad, but nor are they especially amazing. And I was really only waiting for the Doctors to all meet.

And meet they did! And it was… not bad!  Of course, in a multi-Doctor story one might hope for something so beautiful, so glorious, so mind-searingly wonderful that you don’t quite get over it for days (coughZAGREUScough), but you can’t get what you want all the time, or the sum of human knowledge would only add up to “where the TV remote is”, probably.

Title: The Shadow of the Scourge [by Paul Cornell, 2000]

What is it? It’s a standalone Big Finish audioplay, number 13 in the main range.

Doctor: Seventh

Companions: Ace and Bernice

—-

The plot: 7/10. Very interesting and entertaining! My favourite aspect probably was this Team TARDIS’ dynamic.

The ~feelings: 8/10. OH, SEVEN. It’s all right, we love you despite the scheming and mysteriousness. It’s all part of your charm!

Anything else to add?

I was really surprised by just how much I enjoyed this one! With every other play I’ve fallen in love with I was sort of expecting to, because it was mentioned to me before I heard it or because it was a finale-type episode. The brilliance of ‘Shadow of the Scourge’ took me by surprise because I hadn’t heard of it before and just picked it out at random. It’s probably my favourite of all the Seventh Doctor audios I’ve heard thus far. Heck, of anything I’ve ever heard or seen Seven in, full stop!

A large part of it is the main trio. Seven, Ace and Benny, all kickin’ ass in their own individual ways - it’s incredibly fun to listen to! It also confronts a number of long-standing issues that have plagued them, i.e. Seven’s tricksy nature, in a way that completely avoids being overwrought or clunky.

Basically, I really loved this play and the characters it presents and I highly recommend it! Even if you don’t go quite as head-over-heels for it as I have, you’re bound to enjoy it!

This is ranked as a Who Winner - the best of the best, yo